A Review: Ted Kooser’s Small Rooms in Time
By Kelley Pujol
I will begin with a disclaimer: I am a fan of Ted Kooser. I loved Delights and Shadows, and I am about to dive into The Poetry Home Repair Manual. Plus, I just like him as a guy- I like his checked shirts, and the way he sold insurance for thirty-five years while writing poetry before going to work each morning. There is something lovely about a working stiff - an insurance man - winning the Pulitzer Prize for poetry. Many times I have imagined a woman with curlers still in her hair, a cup of coffee at her side. She is glancing at the paper while a man in an undershirt sits across from her with his cup of coffee. He’s reading the sports page, and she says, “Remember Teddie Kooser who sold you the policy on the Buick?”
“Yeah, what about him,” the man responds.
“Well, Teddie has won the Pulitzer.”…
I could go on from there with my story, but you get the idea. The past and the present cross over in funny, inexplicable ways, and that is what Small Rooms in Time is about. Mr. Kooser opens the paper one morning to discover the horrific murder of a fifteen year old boy (along with other member’s of the boy’s family) has occurred in the home he once occupied with his ex-wife and his son. At the time this discovery is made, Mr. Kooser is involved in creating a miniature replica of his current wife’s childhood home. He states that he “began to think about the way in which the rooms we inhabit, if only for a time, become unchanging places within us, complete with detail.” This is a profound observation that gives voice to questions that I have often asked myself. Why we can see places and people in dreams that we could never remember when we are awake? What is the hold that a place has on us? Why is one place better than another? Why are some places irreplaceable, and even if the physical place remains, the feelings do not?
Mr. Kooser sends a copy of the article about the murder to his ex-wife, Diana. He felt he needed someone else to feel his shock, and it had to be someone who knew they had carried their new born son through the same door where the murder had taken place. Mr. Kooser then goes on to cut to the chase and put into words the unspeakable fear of every parent: “If my luck in life had been worse, I might have been that other father, occupied by some mundane task, perhaps fixing a leaky faucet, when my son went to answer the door.”
Mr. Kooser acquaints us with the other inhabitants of his past neighborhood, and then lets us know that they are all now dead. He states beautifully, “I’ve noticed lately when I’ve driven past that the porch has begun to slope toward the street, as if to pour our ghosts out the front door and onto the buckled sidewalk.”
Sometimes events do occur that cause our past to be somehow thrown back into the orbit of our lives through no effort of our own. Mr. Kooser captures the feelings of those moments when we must confront the ghosts that have been poured into our laps. More often than not, we long to embrace them, quickly, before they vaporize again.
Read about Ted Kooser’s latest book, Valentines, at NPR.org and hear him read from his work: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=18990762
Ted Kooser’s essay is from The Best American Essays: 2005 edited by Susan Orlean, series editor, Robert Atwan.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Kelley Pujol Writes: Deepak Chopra's Happiness Prescription : A Product Review
Deepak Chopra’s The Happiness Prescription two CD set : A Review
Without a doubt, the genius of Deepak Chopra is his ability to take ancient Vedic teachings and put them in a form that makes them both understandable and palatable to the Western mind, and this is his most accessible offering to date.
Whether you have read all of Dr. Chopra’s books or you are a new comer to his work, this program has something of value to offer you.
The Happiness Prescription takes the Eight Fold Path that is the basis of the teachings of Buddha and translates them into behaviors and exercises that anyone, regardless of their religious or nonreligious leanings can benefit from. Dr. Chopra begins by explaining some of the current research dealing with the nature of happiness. It will probably come as no surprise that Americans don’t score high as a happy society – according to Dr. Chopra, even our dogs are more unhappy than their less affluent Mexican neighbors.
The first CD in this set points out the ten skills necessary to obtain and recognize personal happiness. The most helpful of these is self awareness. Dr. Chopra points out that many of us are nothing more than a bundles of reactive nerves “at the mercy” of every person we meet on the street – someone says something flattering, we are happy. Someone says something unpleasant, we are unhappy. Until we learn to be self-referred, we really have no chance of happiness.
Another strong point of Dr. Chopra’s teaching is he breaks these larger philosophical issues down into bite size pieces. The second CD breaks down the Ten Keys of Happiness into daily, obtainable goals with practical exercises that are easily carried out. One of the great joys of Vedic teaching is that it promotes evolution and not revolution – its catch phrase is “go slow.” Unlike so much help advice that is prevalent in Western society, it does not make you feel pressured or doomed to fail. Every day, you try and by trying, you become more aware of yourself and thus make progress.
Deepak Chopra’s The Happiness Prescription two CD Set is based on a program that was broadcast by PBS. The set is available through the Chopra Center (http://www.chopra.com/) and most major booksellers, such as Amazon.com ( http://www.amazon.com/ )
I highly recommend it.
Without a doubt, the genius of Deepak Chopra is his ability to take ancient Vedic teachings and put them in a form that makes them both understandable and palatable to the Western mind, and this is his most accessible offering to date.
Whether you have read all of Dr. Chopra’s books or you are a new comer to his work, this program has something of value to offer you.
The Happiness Prescription takes the Eight Fold Path that is the basis of the teachings of Buddha and translates them into behaviors and exercises that anyone, regardless of their religious or nonreligious leanings can benefit from. Dr. Chopra begins by explaining some of the current research dealing with the nature of happiness. It will probably come as no surprise that Americans don’t score high as a happy society – according to Dr. Chopra, even our dogs are more unhappy than their less affluent Mexican neighbors.
The first CD in this set points out the ten skills necessary to obtain and recognize personal happiness. The most helpful of these is self awareness. Dr. Chopra points out that many of us are nothing more than a bundles of reactive nerves “at the mercy” of every person we meet on the street – someone says something flattering, we are happy. Someone says something unpleasant, we are unhappy. Until we learn to be self-referred, we really have no chance of happiness.
Another strong point of Dr. Chopra’s teaching is he breaks these larger philosophical issues down into bite size pieces. The second CD breaks down the Ten Keys of Happiness into daily, obtainable goals with practical exercises that are easily carried out. One of the great joys of Vedic teaching is that it promotes evolution and not revolution – its catch phrase is “go slow.” Unlike so much help advice that is prevalent in Western society, it does not make you feel pressured or doomed to fail. Every day, you try and by trying, you become more aware of yourself and thus make progress.
Deepak Chopra’s The Happiness Prescription two CD Set is based on a program that was broadcast by PBS. The set is available through the Chopra Center (http://www.chopra.com/) and most major booksellers, such as Amazon.com ( http://www.amazon.com/ )
I highly recommend it.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Kelley Pujol Writes: Be the Change
Perhaps you have heard the quote from Gandhi, “be the change you want to see in the world.” What does that mean exactly?
Well, recently, I moved into a new house. In this house, all the closet doors are mirrored. My shih tzu has never before had such access to mirrors. Sure, she has seen herself reflected in the sliding glass door at my old house when the light was just right, but to be able to see herself any time day or night is a bit of a novelty to her.
Not that she knows what she is seeing is herself – at least not all the time.
Sometimes she sees her reflection and pays it no more attention than you or I would our faint reflections in a store front window (unless we wanted to check our hair or something). But other times – well, that’s really what I want to write about.
You see, whenever she becomes frustrated or bored – especially when the rest of us first go bed each night – that’s when she wants to get that puppy out of the mirror. She starts by growling at the puppy in the mirror, then starts adopting a playful posture and barking at the puppy in the mirror.
The puppy in the mirror appears to want to play with her too – it is posturing and barking back. At this point, she starts trying to run behind the puppy in the mirror – by going in the closet or circling out into the hall – but then she can’t find the puppy.
So, she goes back to the mirror.
She might give a couple more goes, but then it dawns on her all a new, “oh yeah, that’s me in the mirror. There is no other puppy to get out.”
So it is with us. We get frustrated, we get bored, we could have been contenders… if only it weren’t for the Republicans, Democrats, where we live, who we married – take your pick –
But remember – every situation in your life that has ever frustrated you –
What did they have in common?
You.
You got it –
You’re the puppy in the mirror.
So am I.
Let’s be the change.
Well, recently, I moved into a new house. In this house, all the closet doors are mirrored. My shih tzu has never before had such access to mirrors. Sure, she has seen herself reflected in the sliding glass door at my old house when the light was just right, but to be able to see herself any time day or night is a bit of a novelty to her.
Not that she knows what she is seeing is herself – at least not all the time.
Sometimes she sees her reflection and pays it no more attention than you or I would our faint reflections in a store front window (unless we wanted to check our hair or something). But other times – well, that’s really what I want to write about.
You see, whenever she becomes frustrated or bored – especially when the rest of us first go bed each night – that’s when she wants to get that puppy out of the mirror. She starts by growling at the puppy in the mirror, then starts adopting a playful posture and barking at the puppy in the mirror.
The puppy in the mirror appears to want to play with her too – it is posturing and barking back. At this point, she starts trying to run behind the puppy in the mirror – by going in the closet or circling out into the hall – but then she can’t find the puppy.
So, she goes back to the mirror.
She might give a couple more goes, but then it dawns on her all a new, “oh yeah, that’s me in the mirror. There is no other puppy to get out.”
So it is with us. We get frustrated, we get bored, we could have been contenders… if only it weren’t for the Republicans, Democrats, where we live, who we married – take your pick –
But remember – every situation in your life that has ever frustrated you –
What did they have in common?
You.
You got it –
You’re the puppy in the mirror.
So am I.
Let’s be the change.
Friday, April 4, 2008
For Dr. King: Reflections on Letter from a Birmingham Jail
Reflection on “Letter from Birmingham Jail”
I was told by a former professor that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s essay “Letter from Birmingham Jail” was written around the edges of a day old newspaper because his jailers refused to give him any clean paper. As is apparent from reflecting on his life and his legacy, Dr. King was not a man who took refusal at face value once he was convinced that the necessary course of action was the one that would serve a greater good. Dr. King states in his essay that there are just and unjust laws and that he would agree with Saint Augustine’s proclamation that “an unjust law is no law at all.” Dr. King then goes on to define an unjust law. He states that, “An unjust law is a code that a majority inflicts on a minority that is not binding on itself.” He also states that, “An unjust law is a code inflicted upon a minority which that minority had no part in enacting or creating because they did not have the unhampered right to vote.” He reminds his readers that, “We can never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal’ and everything that Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungry was ‘illegal.’” Finally he states that “Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The urge for freedom will eventually come.” I agree with Dr. King’s assertion that there are just and unjust laws and that it is against man’s nature to submit himself to unjust laws.
Dr. King uses both philosophical and spiritual principles in his essay to justify the use of civil disobedience and nonviolent resistance as a means of obtaining equality for the American Negro. This essay was directed primarily at a group of fellow clergymen who had called on King to stop using nonviolent resistance as a means to advance the Civil Rights Movement. Therefore, Dr. King was not asking his readers to accept his argument based on accepting his faith views, as those clergymen already claimed to hold the same faith views as Dr. King. They also were claiming that these faith views supported their argument for ceasing to use civil disobedience and nonviolent resistance as a means to speed the acquisition of civil rights for American Negroes. Dr. King makes the excellent point that throughout human history, “…privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily,” and if indeed nonviolent activists are extremists, then “…maybe the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.” I also agree with Dr. King’s assertions that if the Negro population had not been led by him to believe in the effective possibilities of nonviolent resistance, the Civil Rights Movement might have been a far bloodier and violent eruption than it turned out to be.
Dr. King was heavily influenced by the life and work of Mahatma Gandhi. Gandhi stated that, “The world rests upon the bedrock of satya or truth. Asatya, meaning untruth, also means non-existent, and satya or truth also means that which is. If untruth does not so much as exist, its victory is out of the question. And truth being that which is can never be destroyed” (Easwaran 1987). While the view that Dr. King took of injustice was seen through a Christian lens, his assertion that there are fundamental truths and laws that govern humanity was one that can be found echoed in many different philosophies and cultures. This assertion can be found in the works of Mahatma Gandhi, who was a devout Hindu as well as in the thoughts of Socrates (whom Dr. King refers to his essay). It is even apparent in the writings of Ayn Rand, the developer of the philosophy of Objectivism which seems far removed from any type of religiously based philosophy. Rand states as one of the four pillars of Objectivism, “Give me liberty or give me death” (Rand 1996).
This acceptance of the idea of universally just and unjust laws necessitates the breaking of the law when a law is unjust. The basic premise of nonviolent resistance is that no one can oppress someone else without some degree of compliance on the victim’s part. If the victim refuses to co-operate, then he or she can not be victimized. The larger the number that refuse to comply, the more effective the effort of nonviolent resistance will be. One of my undergraduate professors engaged in just such a nonviolent resistance effort during the Civil Rights Movement. She lived in Montgomery, Alabama. The weekend after the bloody confrontations in Selma, Alabama, she and her cohorts (most of whom were female) put on their gloves and went into town to do some weekend shopping. However, they only went to stores that refused to allow Negroes to shop there at all anymore and before handling any of the merchandise, they removed their gloves and slit all their fingertips with razor blades. After handling the merchandise, they then quietly left the stores and returned home. They saw the bloodying of the merchandise as a symbolic gesture reflecting the bloody treatment of marchers the week before in Selma. I have often visualized those young Southern girls dressed in heels, hats, and hose and thought about how much courage such an act required. Dr. King later stated in his 1967 speech, “Declaration of Independence for the War in Vietnam” in that, “True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice which produces the beggar needs restructuring” (King 2002). I think there were many, such as my professor and her young friends who had made that realization after they were sickened by the treatment of fellow human beings and knew that compassion required them to act.
Gandhi also said, “The law of love will work, just as the law of gravitation will work, whether we accept it or not” (Gandhi 2002). It is disturbing to me that time and time again, we hear that nonviolent protestors are extremist, but war is seen as an institution. So often throughout history, humanity has accepted the status quo simply because to admit that we needed to stop and reconsider might cause us some inconvenience. It is the momentum behind the status quo that slows change, whether that change is for better or worse. There is also fear because with all change comes consequences other than those that were intended. However, when one can see that a current situation is unjust, such as in the case of segregation, there is no option but change. Change must occur and because nonviolent resistance is more in line with just law (as Dr. King described it) than violent resistance, it is the most effective means to this end. Nonviolent resistance is a code than requires the majority to uphold the same standards for themselves as they hold for the minority, and should the minority not wish to participate in this resistance, they are free not to do so.
In Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged, one of the main characters Hank Rearden makes the following observation after having engaged in an act of nonviolent resistance: “He felt as if, after a journey of years through a landscape of devastation…he had come upon the despoiler, expecting to find a giant – and had found a rat eager to scurry for cover at the first sound of a human step. If this is what has beaten us, he thought, the guilt is ours” (Rand 1996).
There are moments recorded throughout history when an individual experienced such a revelation. Dr. King is but one example, as are the individual examples such as Jesus, Amos, Paul and Thomas Jefferson that he cited is his essay. It is said that when Gandhi was thrown off the train in South Africa, as he lifted himself off the ground, he beheld a vision of the entire British Empire crumbling. What makes a society just is its eventual recognition of the validity of the visions of such individuals and the courage to embrace these visions and make them a reality.
Reference List
Easwaran, Eknath, translator. 1987. The Upanishads. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press.
Gandhi, Mohandas K. 2002. My faith in nonviolence (1930). The Power of Nonviolence: Writings by the Advocates of Peace. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
King, Dr. Martin Luther, Jr. 2002. Declaration of independence for the war in Vietnam (1967). The Power of Nonviolence: Writings by the Advocates of Peace. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
Rand, Ayn. 1996. Atlas Shrugged. New York: Signet.
I was told by a former professor that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s essay “Letter from Birmingham Jail” was written around the edges of a day old newspaper because his jailers refused to give him any clean paper. As is apparent from reflecting on his life and his legacy, Dr. King was not a man who took refusal at face value once he was convinced that the necessary course of action was the one that would serve a greater good. Dr. King states in his essay that there are just and unjust laws and that he would agree with Saint Augustine’s proclamation that “an unjust law is no law at all.” Dr. King then goes on to define an unjust law. He states that, “An unjust law is a code that a majority inflicts on a minority that is not binding on itself.” He also states that, “An unjust law is a code inflicted upon a minority which that minority had no part in enacting or creating because they did not have the unhampered right to vote.” He reminds his readers that, “We can never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal’ and everything that Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungry was ‘illegal.’” Finally he states that “Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. The urge for freedom will eventually come.” I agree with Dr. King’s assertion that there are just and unjust laws and that it is against man’s nature to submit himself to unjust laws.
Dr. King uses both philosophical and spiritual principles in his essay to justify the use of civil disobedience and nonviolent resistance as a means of obtaining equality for the American Negro. This essay was directed primarily at a group of fellow clergymen who had called on King to stop using nonviolent resistance as a means to advance the Civil Rights Movement. Therefore, Dr. King was not asking his readers to accept his argument based on accepting his faith views, as those clergymen already claimed to hold the same faith views as Dr. King. They also were claiming that these faith views supported their argument for ceasing to use civil disobedience and nonviolent resistance as a means to speed the acquisition of civil rights for American Negroes. Dr. King makes the excellent point that throughout human history, “…privileged groups seldom give up their privileges voluntarily,” and if indeed nonviolent activists are extremists, then “…maybe the South, the nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.” I also agree with Dr. King’s assertions that if the Negro population had not been led by him to believe in the effective possibilities of nonviolent resistance, the Civil Rights Movement might have been a far bloodier and violent eruption than it turned out to be.
Dr. King was heavily influenced by the life and work of Mahatma Gandhi. Gandhi stated that, “The world rests upon the bedrock of satya or truth. Asatya, meaning untruth, also means non-existent, and satya or truth also means that which is. If untruth does not so much as exist, its victory is out of the question. And truth being that which is can never be destroyed” (Easwaran 1987). While the view that Dr. King took of injustice was seen through a Christian lens, his assertion that there are fundamental truths and laws that govern humanity was one that can be found echoed in many different philosophies and cultures. This assertion can be found in the works of Mahatma Gandhi, who was a devout Hindu as well as in the thoughts of Socrates (whom Dr. King refers to his essay). It is even apparent in the writings of Ayn Rand, the developer of the philosophy of Objectivism which seems far removed from any type of religiously based philosophy. Rand states as one of the four pillars of Objectivism, “Give me liberty or give me death” (Rand 1996).
This acceptance of the idea of universally just and unjust laws necessitates the breaking of the law when a law is unjust. The basic premise of nonviolent resistance is that no one can oppress someone else without some degree of compliance on the victim’s part. If the victim refuses to co-operate, then he or she can not be victimized. The larger the number that refuse to comply, the more effective the effort of nonviolent resistance will be. One of my undergraduate professors engaged in just such a nonviolent resistance effort during the Civil Rights Movement. She lived in Montgomery, Alabama. The weekend after the bloody confrontations in Selma, Alabama, she and her cohorts (most of whom were female) put on their gloves and went into town to do some weekend shopping. However, they only went to stores that refused to allow Negroes to shop there at all anymore and before handling any of the merchandise, they removed their gloves and slit all their fingertips with razor blades. After handling the merchandise, they then quietly left the stores and returned home. They saw the bloodying of the merchandise as a symbolic gesture reflecting the bloody treatment of marchers the week before in Selma. I have often visualized those young Southern girls dressed in heels, hats, and hose and thought about how much courage such an act required. Dr. King later stated in his 1967 speech, “Declaration of Independence for the War in Vietnam” in that, “True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice which produces the beggar needs restructuring” (King 2002). I think there were many, such as my professor and her young friends who had made that realization after they were sickened by the treatment of fellow human beings and knew that compassion required them to act.
Gandhi also said, “The law of love will work, just as the law of gravitation will work, whether we accept it or not” (Gandhi 2002). It is disturbing to me that time and time again, we hear that nonviolent protestors are extremist, but war is seen as an institution. So often throughout history, humanity has accepted the status quo simply because to admit that we needed to stop and reconsider might cause us some inconvenience. It is the momentum behind the status quo that slows change, whether that change is for better or worse. There is also fear because with all change comes consequences other than those that were intended. However, when one can see that a current situation is unjust, such as in the case of segregation, there is no option but change. Change must occur and because nonviolent resistance is more in line with just law (as Dr. King described it) than violent resistance, it is the most effective means to this end. Nonviolent resistance is a code than requires the majority to uphold the same standards for themselves as they hold for the minority, and should the minority not wish to participate in this resistance, they are free not to do so.
In Ayn Rand’s novel Atlas Shrugged, one of the main characters Hank Rearden makes the following observation after having engaged in an act of nonviolent resistance: “He felt as if, after a journey of years through a landscape of devastation…he had come upon the despoiler, expecting to find a giant – and had found a rat eager to scurry for cover at the first sound of a human step. If this is what has beaten us, he thought, the guilt is ours” (Rand 1996).
There are moments recorded throughout history when an individual experienced such a revelation. Dr. King is but one example, as are the individual examples such as Jesus, Amos, Paul and Thomas Jefferson that he cited is his essay. It is said that when Gandhi was thrown off the train in South Africa, as he lifted himself off the ground, he beheld a vision of the entire British Empire crumbling. What makes a society just is its eventual recognition of the validity of the visions of such individuals and the courage to embrace these visions and make them a reality.
Reference List
Easwaran, Eknath, translator. 1987. The Upanishads. Tomales, CA: Nilgiri Press.
Gandhi, Mohandas K. 2002. My faith in nonviolence (1930). The Power of Nonviolence: Writings by the Advocates of Peace. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
King, Dr. Martin Luther, Jr. 2002. Declaration of independence for the war in Vietnam (1967). The Power of Nonviolence: Writings by the Advocates of Peace. Boston, MA: Beacon Press.
Rand, Ayn. 1996. Atlas Shrugged. New York: Signet.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Kelley Pujol Writes: Exit Frame 1
As you followed your energy and perceptions for the past couple of days, what did you discover? Perhaps you found yourself saying things like, “I hate the way I look, but my mom was always overweight, and so was granny, so, I guess I will be too.” Or maybe you heard yourself say, “This job is a dead end, but it pays the bills. Besides, where else can I work in this town?”
Or worse yet, maybe these beliefs are so ingrained in your subconscious mind that you don’t even hear them anymore.
Perhaps to you, these self imposed limits are givens – like “that is a tree” or “I hear barking, so there must be a dog.”
But maybe there is not a dog – maybe there is a very talented parrot barking.
Maybe that tree is only a clever projection on a screen –
Just as most of the limits you accept in your life are limits you have projected on yourself.
Please note that I did not say all – for example, I am 5 ft 3 inches tall. It is unlikely that under any circumstances, I will ever play for the NBA – even if I wanted to, which I don’t. But there are still many, many situations in our lives that we blame for our unhappiness when our happiness is right at our finger tips – we only have to reach for it.
Let’s go back to our painting at the museum.
What would have happened if instead of walking away from the painting and leaving the museum all together, we did something different?
What if:
We asked the guard on duty “what is the deal with that frame?”
We complained to the museum director, “I can not enjoy this painting or your lovely museum due this distracting frame.”?
We took it upon ourselves to remove the frame and dispose of it while accepting the consequences of doing so?
We are each both the guard on duty and the museum director in charge of our frames – our perceptions – and what we believe about ourselves today puts into play how our lives will feel tomorrow. For the next few days, try this exercise. As you go through your day, ask yourself – If your tomorrow can feel different than today, in each circumstance, how do you want it to feel? Concentrate on the feeling, not the visual. And don’t edit or judge yourself, just witness yourself. There will be time for focusing and editing later.
Or worse yet, maybe these beliefs are so ingrained in your subconscious mind that you don’t even hear them anymore.
Perhaps to you, these self imposed limits are givens – like “that is a tree” or “I hear barking, so there must be a dog.”
But maybe there is not a dog – maybe there is a very talented parrot barking.
Maybe that tree is only a clever projection on a screen –
Just as most of the limits you accept in your life are limits you have projected on yourself.
Please note that I did not say all – for example, I am 5 ft 3 inches tall. It is unlikely that under any circumstances, I will ever play for the NBA – even if I wanted to, which I don’t. But there are still many, many situations in our lives that we blame for our unhappiness when our happiness is right at our finger tips – we only have to reach for it.
Let’s go back to our painting at the museum.
What would have happened if instead of walking away from the painting and leaving the museum all together, we did something different?
What if:
We asked the guard on duty “what is the deal with that frame?”
We complained to the museum director, “I can not enjoy this painting or your lovely museum due this distracting frame.”?
We took it upon ourselves to remove the frame and dispose of it while accepting the consequences of doing so?
We are each both the guard on duty and the museum director in charge of our frames – our perceptions – and what we believe about ourselves today puts into play how our lives will feel tomorrow. For the next few days, try this exercise. As you go through your day, ask yourself – If your tomorrow can feel different than today, in each circumstance, how do you want it to feel? Concentrate on the feeling, not the visual. And don’t edit or judge yourself, just witness yourself. There will be time for focusing and editing later.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Kelley Pujol Writes: Let's Get Down to Business
We’ve talked about losing weight and we’ve talked a little about some of the tricks our minds can play. But whether what is bugging you is your body, your finances, your job, your marriage – or just a general sense of frustration, in order to stop being frustrated we have to start in the same place.
Now, first off, don’t worry. I’m not your granny and I’m not going to tell you to adjust your attitude. I’m not going to tell you that you can only control one thing in this world and it is your attitude – because guess what? You may not even be controlling that!
What we have to start with is your perception.
Imagine if you will that you are in a museum. It is quiet – you are the only one there. The air temperature is perfect. It feels so crisp. You are seated on a very comfortable padded bench seat, and you are looking at the most beautiful painting you have ever seen.
The colors are exquisite and the texture is so realistic you want to reach out and touch it.
The problem is the frame.
This perfect painting is surrounded by a frame made of garbage. Old vegetables, dirty Kleenex, gnawed chicken bones. Some of it is in a real state of decay – wretched, oozing, putrid, noxious. The scent is overwhelming.
How long are you going to be able to enjoy looking at the painting? At what point will you cease to be able to concentrate on the painting at all – only on the unpleasantness of its frame? When will you decide that it is just not worth it and leave the painting and the gallery all together?
That frame represents your perceptions. Right now, everything you are experiencing is being filtered through the frame of all your past experiences. You are doing this subconsciously, without even realizing it.
I’d like you to try this exercise for the next two days. As you go through your day, I want you notice what is sapping your energy – what you dread, and what is feeding your energy – what you look forward to. Simply notice, but don’t judge your reactions as good or bad. For example, you may ( and probably will) find that many of main people in your life – the ones you say you live for – may seem to be what is bringing you down, and you may feel guilty about this. Don’t. For today, just pay attention and make a mental note. Then we will go from there.
Now, first off, don’t worry. I’m not your granny and I’m not going to tell you to adjust your attitude. I’m not going to tell you that you can only control one thing in this world and it is your attitude – because guess what? You may not even be controlling that!
What we have to start with is your perception.
Imagine if you will that you are in a museum. It is quiet – you are the only one there. The air temperature is perfect. It feels so crisp. You are seated on a very comfortable padded bench seat, and you are looking at the most beautiful painting you have ever seen.
The colors are exquisite and the texture is so realistic you want to reach out and touch it.
The problem is the frame.
This perfect painting is surrounded by a frame made of garbage. Old vegetables, dirty Kleenex, gnawed chicken bones. Some of it is in a real state of decay – wretched, oozing, putrid, noxious. The scent is overwhelming.
How long are you going to be able to enjoy looking at the painting? At what point will you cease to be able to concentrate on the painting at all – only on the unpleasantness of its frame? When will you decide that it is just not worth it and leave the painting and the gallery all together?
That frame represents your perceptions. Right now, everything you are experiencing is being filtered through the frame of all your past experiences. You are doing this subconsciously, without even realizing it.
I’d like you to try this exercise for the next two days. As you go through your day, I want you notice what is sapping your energy – what you dread, and what is feeding your energy – what you look forward to. Simply notice, but don’t judge your reactions as good or bad. For example, you may ( and probably will) find that many of main people in your life – the ones you say you live for – may seem to be what is bringing you down, and you may feel guilty about this. Don’t. For today, just pay attention and make a mental note. Then we will go from there.
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